Happiness

I am bruised. Beaten. Broken. I wear my heart on my sleeve. But the pain, and the scars, remind me that I am not of this world. I am here to reflect the character of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Hope is what keeps me pushing forward, onward, one day at a time. By choosing to be intentional and relational, I can reach out to those who are in need. Growing up, my father always reminded me that I choose to make my own happiness. No one can take that away. I have the ability to decipher the outlook of my interactions and determine how I will respond. Fortunately, I was introduced to the word happiness at a young age.

Everybody wants happiness, nobody wants pain but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

Happiness is commonly defined by pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, or delight and implies an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Therefore, happiness can result from the possession or attainment of what one considers good. Unalloyed happiness or supreme delight can be seen in the bliss of a "perfect" companionship. Other types of happiness include felicity, a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind.

So why not be your own sunshine? Light up the lives of others. Find a reason to smile. Say no to the reasons and the people that stress you out. Physical manifestations should not be the soul purpose that happiness resides in your core. Happiness is from within, resonating from one's inherent ability to make a choice.

I have been reading a book titled, "One Thousand Gifts." The author, Ann Voskamp, dares each individual to live fully right where you are. She internalizes the message of lifestyle gratitude and professes that joy is attainable despite one's circumstances. Ann researched the word eucharisteo, a greek word that encompasses a threefold cord of grace (charis), thanksgiving (eucharisteo) and joy (char).

Ann ponders, "How in the world, for the sake of my joy, do I learn to use eucharisteo to overcome my one ugly and self-destructive habit of ingratitude (that habit that causes both my cosmic and daily fall) with the saving habit of gratitude--that would lead me back to deep God-communion." She further discusses that if we are to hunger and thirst for righteousness as stated in Matthew, then we have to drink. We have to actually DO something. She laid her books aside and began a list--a gift list. Not of gifts that she wanted, but of gifts that she already had. The first few read as follows:

1. Morning shadows across the old floors.
2. Jam piled high on the toast. 
3. Cry of blue jay from high in the spruce. 

Ann continues to challenge the reader to write down one thousand gifts that He bestows. She mentions that writing them does is a sort of unwrapping love, and eventually recognizes that the secret to living joy in every situation is the full life of eucharisteo. 

Philippians 4:11-12

"I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 

I know how to live on almost nothing or 

with everything. I have learned the secret of living

in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty,

with plenty or little."

And so, I have taken up on Ann's challenge. I have made my gift list a part of my worship service to the Lord, because, eventually that is what it turns into: praising God for his creation, for the simple aspects of life that catch my attention. And so it brings me back to happiness. I believe that being happy is being truly thankful. 

1. The smell of banana bread resonating from the oven. 
2. The first cry of a newborn baby.
3. Getting tucked into bed like a mummy from daddy as a little girl.
4. Laughter escaping from deep inside (especially from Nazifa, Jeremia, and Odakis).
5. Dancing shadows - sunlight through a piece of lace on a warm and windy summer day.
6. The click of a camera capturing a moment to remember forever. 
7. The tug of a fish on a line and the excitement that follows. 
8. Watching a child play with a puppy.
9. A voice that says, "thank you" from one of my patients
10. The echo of raindrops on the roof
11. Vibrance of fall as evidenced by the different shades of color of leaves
12. Viewing a city full of lights at night from an airplane. 
13. The mesmerizing flames of a fire
14. A fresh gust of air that catches my hair off my shoulders.
15. A night sky full of God's wonders
16. A child's toothless smile (Phoenix)
17. The smell associated with flipping the pages of a book
18. Waking up peacefully - no alarms and no responsibilities
19. Zebras in the wild.
20. Reminiscing with an old friend
21. My wonderful parents
22. Sitting in my mommy's lap (yes, even at the age of 25)
23. View of Anchorage from flattop
24. Forget-me-nots growing in the backyard
25. Answered prayer.
26. An old childhood tea set
27. Running across the finish line
28. Snuggling into bed covers after a long day
29. Small children singing loud and off tune in church.
30. Old couples walking with fingers interlocked. 
31. A handwritten letter
32. Relief and accomplishment of turning in a research paper
33. Baptism - knowing I am saved. 
34. The beauty of dialect and different languages. 
35. The northern lights
36. Sunset from Oia on Santorini
37. Speed and agility on a horse-back ride.
38. Brustle of a creek in the woods
39. Wiggling my bare toes in the sand
40. Waves crashing on the shore
41. Fresh snow covering the mountain tops
42. Winter warm sun
43. Snuggle fresh laundry. 
44. The power of imagination
45. A future that carries the unknown
46. Air conditioning after a long run
47. Nestle chocolate milk powder
48. The feel of pottery between my hands on a wheel
49. My 3rd grade class at church
50. The scent of Mr. Sketchers markers
51. Superhero Saturdays at the hospital (we wear superhero socks on Saturdays in the ER)
52. Skipping rocks across the waters surface
53. Footprints in the sand
54. Trains rolling on the tracks
55. Picking fresh berries
56. Finding figures and images in the clouds
57. A hot cup of tea warming my hands

The list continues on and on... but I challenge my readers to do as Ann suggests: to write a list of one thousand gifts. To acknowledge the blessings of life and to use thanksgiving in your worship to the Lord. 

Strength

Strength: the inherent capacity to manifest energy, to endure, and to resist

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

What makes an individual capable of claiming that he/she is strong? What sort of experiences lead to the entitlement of encompassing strength?

• Is is the single mother of five who has to work three jobs just to keep food on the table and a roof over her families head...
• Is it the seven year old who is the primary caregiver for her two younger siblings, living under grandma's roof because her parents are deceased...
• Is it the husband of a woman who is facing the end stage medical complications of terminal cancer...
• Is it the victim of a tsunami who no longer has a place to call home...
• Is it a young couple who is told they are not able to have children...
• Is it a heartbroken young adult who faces the challenges of loneliness...
• Is it the fear in a child hiding in the closet while daddy tries to distract the perpetrator, and the sound of a gunshot fires...  

The world is filled with treacherous, heartbreaking stories. Each person has a soft spot in their soul that is able to establish an association with certain experiences and a connection to various circumstances. I feel as if we are made, in the image of God, to be relational--and there is a meaning behind each and every chapter of our fleeting lives. 

For instance, I have spent years in the hospital as a patient. When I was a mere 13 years old, I remember lying in a hospital bed, the beeping of IV medication being pumped into my veins, attempting to fight the unknown infection that, according to medical professionals, was taking my life with every second. The plan of action was to use strong medications to demolish the infection, before the strong medications made an irreversible turn on my immune system and hindered the function of my organs. I remember every detail as the physician's lips vocalized, "you may only have a few weeks left on this earth." I remember holding my mother's hand as my heart picked up its pace, and the sinking feeling of realizing that I was not invincible. All I wanted was to return to junior high and go to the mall with all the other kids. I would even take twice as much homework everyday in order to return to my normal self. It's as if the world stopped, and each tick of the second hand was eating away at my bones--because I was going to die. There, I said it. Those three letters. DIE. And then... I had to keep fighting. It's not as if I could just let the disease take my life without a fair chance. But the ultimate decision wasn't up to me. God is the maker and designer of where my days will take route. And I am ever so thankful for the prayers that were lifted on my behalf, because after seven days spent in my own personal white room that I quickly referred to as my coffin, I was healed.  My body regained its strength, and my lab levels were clear. The physical manifestations of my illness ceased to exist. The physician, yet once again, rings clear in my memory as he stated, "Honey, the Lord must've had more plans for you, because we have no reason for you to stay in this hospital. You get to go home today." 

Of course, everything didn't go immediately back to normal. The physician made it clear that I would never be able to play soccer and be active again, that my body was not able to endure the stress that I used to exert on a daily basis. In fact, my mentality and problem solving capability, or lack thereof, made it impossible for me to master a puzzle consisting of 25 pieces. Frustration began to set in: how was I going to finish the seventh grade if I couldn't even do a child's puzzle. My eyesight went from 20/20 to hazy street signs and blurry television screens to needing glasses. Walking from my bedroom to the living room took my breath away. It seemed as if I would never regain what I once had, that my baseline was unattainable. But the prayers continued to lift up to the Lord, and I continued to fight on. My support system played an exponential role in achieving the lifestyle I once had. My parents are my heroes. Each day brought forth tiny steps forward, and sometimes, large steps backwards. But the goal was to keep fighting, to reach new limits, and to trust that the Lord had plans that were greater than I could ever imagine. 

And today, I realize that he has blessed me with my weaknesses. I cannot fathom the possibilities that he has placed before me as a direct result of my past. He gave me the desire to become a nurse, and care for people as I once was cared for as a patient. He made it possible for me to play college soccer, and now has enabled me to have the position of assistant soccer coach for the Lady Bison. I am unable to fathom the pages of the chapters of the rest of my life that are yet to be written and that through my weaknesses, I have become strong. He is the author and the perfecter of my faith, my life, and my dreams. 

So, going back to the initial word--strength. What does this word mean to me and how would I define it?

Strength means holding on to the unattainable, because God is able to move mountains. Strength is relying on support systems and having a foundational church family that is able to uphold an individual in times of need and vulnerability. Strength is letting go of the situation and trusting that He is in control. Strength is taking one's past, and using the moments of hardship to face another day. Strength is re-surfacing the challenges of the past in order to help others in the present who are in similar circumstances. Strength is taking one day at a time, or even one breath at a time and accepting the challenge. Strength is built on a mentality. Strength is overcoming what the world says is impossible. Strength is facing the reality that life on earth is not the real reason we have been created. Strength is accepting, when running is more appealing. Strength is not concrete, it is an aspect of life that is made through the pages and stories that develop into the photobook of one's life.